If Only Tears Could Bring You Back
by GilandThatz
Summary: Xander arrives in LA with a secert and needing Angel's help. I suck at summaries so just read my story to know what it's about


GT: Sadly nothing belongs to me, not even my dog. Anyway, I do not own Buffy or anything associated with any television shows, movies, video games, etc.  
  
The dark haired man blocked attacks from the rather large and grotesque demon with anything that was not attached to the ground. (Zeppo this,) he thought as he reached for his axe which lay in the scattered mess of trash and blood that littered the alley. The large demon that had been terrorizing the small town started to come down on the battered human, just as he grabbed the axe slicing it through its thick and bulging forehead. Or at least that's what he hoped it did, he didn't really get to see where or if the axe made its mark. And he will tell Buffy the same thing, after he asks for her help.  
  
Xander climbed out of the airliner, his cold, tan skin adapting to the heat of the LA sun. This is where Angel and his team were, a law firm. And if Angel was soulless he would fit right in and it would give him a good reason to stake him. Buffy had already given up on Angel, thinking that he had joined the dark side of the force. But Xander knew differently, even though he hated Angel he knew that he wouldn't make a decision like becoming the boss of an evil law firm without thinking of what he could do from the inside.  
  
(I'm actually thinking positive about Angel, I must be sick or somethin'.) Xander thought to himself as he climbed into a yellow taxi, giving the directions to Wolfram & Hart. They didn't know he was coming or that he would give them a second thought anymore. None of the Scooby Gang trusted them anymore and that's why he needed them. Xander looks out at the passing buildings and the tortured souls that entered them.  
  
Maybe it was easier. This way. Maybe going for help is the best thing to do, no one's completely useless. And maybe everyone will get back together over a cup of coffee and have a few laughs. "That'll be ten bucks," the taxi driver says to the man sitting up front as Xander gets out and walks into the giant building of glass and steel.  
  
He walks past through the mass of lawyers and people looking for help, spotting the head of a familiar platinum blond. "Hey, Billy Idol." He jokes as Spike turns to the human who stands there, pale as the clouds that were in the sky.  
  
"Harris, what brings you to this neck of the woods? Want to finish Peaches off?" Spike asks as Xander studies him.   
  
"Hey, can ya call Buff for me? I..um...forgot her phone number." Xander lies as the vampire just studies him as Xander disappears into the crowd.  
  
"Sure thing," Spike says walking over to the front desk calling the number of the blond that he and Angel ultimately kill each other over. Xander walks into the waiting room, staring at the window as he quietly thought to himself.  
  
"Hair puller," Harmony says walking past him into the office that belonged to Angel. Xander invites himself into the room, waling past a psychic who continuelessly stares at him as he sits on Angel's couch.  
  
"Morning, Dead boy." He greets as Angel looks up from his files at the dark haired human who smiles at him.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Angel asks smugly as Xander kind of mocks him, apparently catching him on a bad day.  
  
"For some things, loose ties that need to be straightened up. Ya know things like that," Xander answers in a most curious and cryptic fashion. Angel studies the human, who looked like he had just escaped from a cave.  
  
"How's Africa?" Angel asks as a starter for a conversion.  
  
"It's nice, demons everywhere though. Surprised it's not overrun by demons yet, every alley's crawling with 'em." Xander explains his recent adventures abroad, amazing holding back his witty comments and pointless jokes.  
  
"Where were you living? A hole?" Angel jokes as the two form a quick friendship, just the thing that was on Xander's mind.  
  
"I've just been up all night and sleeping during the day." Xander answers as Lorne walks in with a huge smile on his face and whistling his favorite tune.  
  
"Xander, this is Lorne." Angel introduces the two, the green soul demon holding out his hand but being rejected by the normally warm and friendly human.  
  
"It's not you, it's me." Xander apologizes as he stands up and starts to leave, hoping that Buffy and everyone would arrive quickly. He could feel it coming, for him. Everyone had to be here, it was too strong for Angel's group alone. He knew that much. He knew that he would never, intentionally let someone's life be in danger. Not anymore.  
  
"Harris, Buffy's on her way." Spike says, not feeling the danger that was also quickly approaching. Xander plops down on a couch, immediately sinking into the fabric and stuffing. Spike noticing him finger his gloved right hand. "Trying to be Michael Jackson?" Xander laughs at his remark as he notices that the vampire is studying him closely.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Xander asks as Spike looks at him puzzled. And with good reason, the sickly colored human that wore a black jacket and leather gloves in the middle of summer.   
  
"Nah, just wonderin' if your hot in that jacket." Spike says as Xander looks down at his arm and than back at the blond with the strong urge to tell him, to ask him for help. But the words never parted from his lips and the thought began to seem distant to him again.  
  
"No, I like it hot." Xander jokes as a wave of hot pain rolls through his arm, causing him to try to shake off the pain. Spike watches as the human adjusts himself on the couch, uncomfortably. "When's Buff gonna get here?"   
  
"Well, she's in Rome and it'll take her awhile so give or take a day." Spike estimates as Xander closes his eyes to dull out the pain. (I don't have that long, it'll be here soon.) Xander thinks to himself as sweat rolls down his brow. (Just think happy thoughts, Xander, happy thoughts. Bunnies, Bambi...a really big demon approaching to finish what it started.) Xander thinks as he slowly lulled to a long awaited sleep.  
  
"Is it just me or is Harris acting different?" Spike asks Angel sitting on his couch, looking out the window to the waiting room where Xander lay sleeping.  
  
"Yeah, he's always acting different. He's Xander, there's no excuse." Angel answers as his nose picks up the familiar scents of many people he knew. "She's here." Angel jogs out of his office followed by Spike, looking down at the lobby to see a familiar looking blond and redhead.   
  
"Buffy? Willow? Want are you doing here?" Wesley asks walking up to the group of assorted slayers, watchers, human, witch, and key.   
  
"Spike called saying Xander was here asking for us so we came," Dawn says standing among the crowd of slayers but still more noticeable than the rest.  
  
"Dawnie, you're gettin' older ain't ya." Spike says hugging the young Summers and staring into Buffy's eyes. "How's life?"  
  
"Rome is great, it's legal for me to drink alcohol." Dawn answers happily as the scattered giggle of girls fill the air. Xander sneaks up behind the group, still remaining completely unnoticed, his right arm hanging useless to his side.  
  
"Mornin', what took you so long?" He asks with a smile as Buffy and Willow's face light up as they go to hug their old friend. He backs away still avoiding physical connect and still raising more and more questions.  
  
"Xander?" Buffy asks as the windows rock from the distant thumping of Xander's demon that had made its way from Africa to LA.  
  
"Always arriving at the wrong time, aren't ya Buffy." Xander says with a smile as Angel shoots down the stairs into the lobby. He sees Xander standing, watching as the windows shatter and a huge demon makes its presence known. "I came because I needed help. Sorry, I got ya into this." Angel glares at Harris as he grabs a sword and charges at the large demon that Xander had fought before arriving in LA.  
  
"After this, I'm coming for you." Angel warns as Buffy joins him, hitting the powerful ogre like demon in the neck. Everyone joins in the fight, trying to bring down the demon that terrorized thousands of people and killed many more. Everyone climbed on and got flung off the demon, everyone except Xander.   
  
Amazingly, the pain was gone when woke up from his sleep. His right arm was back to normal and could move again. Even the eye Caleb had taken a year again was back. And then he realized the reason and he was okay with it. He was okay with leaving them behind because now he wouldn't have to live with the pain. Of knowing and seeing. He just hoped that they would be okay with it.  
  
"Hey, Xander! Thanks for helping!" Angel says smugly as he walks to the sleeping human who lay on the couch fast asleep. "It was your demon, you should have at least helped. Maybe Willow can conjure up a demon that size and we can all sleep while you risk your life."  
  
"Don't listen to him, he's just playing around." Dawn says happily as Angel wipes the demon's blood off his face and flings it at the wall.  
  
"Wake him up, we need to talk." Buffy says as Dawn softly calls to Xander as he just sleeps. Dawn stops in her tracks as she watches his hand roll off his stomach and onto the ground.  
  
"Xander?" Dawn asks as she lifts his hand which slightly crumbles from her touch. Dawn watches horrified as his gloved hand falls to the ground, the strong aroma of decomposition filling the room. "Xander? Please wake up." She puts her hand on his freezing cold skin as he lay quietly, almost as if he were asleep.  
  
"Dawn, it doesn't take that long to wake up Xander." Buffy complains as she walks out to the stillness of the room. The original surviving slayers stood staring at Xander, who remained still throughout the cries and sobs of the teenage girls.  
  
"H-H-He wouldn't...and than his hand...and he-he's cold." Dawn says through sobs as she sits, Xander's head in her lap. "Buffy." Buffy looks over at Willow who just stares, emotionlessly, at her best friend's body.  
  
"He can't..." Willow starts to say as a tidal wave of tears burst out and she falls to her knees. Angel and Spike walk out to see the episode happen, Xander's heart still.  
  
"We'll get through it," Buffy says to the redhead hugging her as they cry.  
  
-A couple days later-  
  
"Hey, Will. Are ya almost ready?" Buffy asks solemnly as the redhead sits in a dark room, holding a folded up a piece of paper.  
  
"He knew," Willow says looking up at the blond whose face was red from the tears that she had cried. "He knew that he was dying. He wrote a letter, for us. A good-bye letter."  
  
"Can I read it?" Buffy asks sitting next to her as she unfolded the last thing of Xander.  
  
Dear Guys,  
  
Sorry. Sorry, that I couldn't tell you. I didn't say anything because I knew nothing could help. Magic or medicine, it would have only prolonged my life to suffer even more. When I came to Angel I was already dead, not literally but metaphorically. My right arm was already decomposing, that's what the demon did. Its bite slowly kills the victim's body and than the mind.  
  
Don't blame yourselves and don't say that if you did something I wouldn't have died. Because I would have anyway. Right now, I would rather lie and say everything will be alright. But it won't because it'll just get harder. I don't wanna lie saying that it didn't hurt because every waking moment was spent in pain. The pain of knowing that I'll be leaving you guys, my friends, the heroes.   
  
I'll miss you. And I know it'll hurt but you have to get used to it. Because you can dull this pain, you can live. Buffy, stay strong. And Will, I'll be waiting for you more than anyone. I love you so much. And even though it may seem pointless, I'm glad. I'm glad that I got a chance to live and help save the world with my friends.  
  
Forever the Zeppo,  
  
Xander Harris  
  
Buffy and Willow left the room, joining the others at the graveyard. The silence and smell of death filled the air as they all began to leave. "See ya," Willow says softly setting a bouquet of flowers next to a gravestone which was set in front of the crater know as Sunnydale.  
  
Alexander Levelle Harris  
  
1981-2004  
  
Joker, Friend, and...  
  
Hero  
  
GT: Okay, I admit I nearly cried writing this especially the letter. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW.  
  
inspired by the song: If Only Tears Can Bring You Back by Midnight Sons 


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